haunted again

I’m not even sure we should be friends,
Yes you have been honest with me,
But I just keep hoping we can be more,
Like we were before, 
Before I fucked it all up.

Mind you,
You have been inconsistent too,
You said we were exclusive once,
And got back with me after Christmas,
And made a whole load of effort.

You were even jealous of my friends,
But I am fed up thinking about it,
And thinking you will be,
With someone else eventually,
It’s all a bit crap.

I am having a bad day today,
Mood wise I mean,
It all went wrong,
Because I gave you serious impression,
Didn’t it?

But you have had serious moments too,
You said nice stuff; you said we were together, 
Nobody else involved,
You rekindled everything at New Year,
Why did you do that?

You seem to still like my company,
And my attention,
You did once, I know that much,
And I hate to think of you,
With someone else.

I know I need be positive, I know,
And every time a negative appears, it multiplies, 
Quickly,
Twisting what I see, spreading lies, clouding my vision,
My past is trying to destroy me.

Yes I am a haunted poet,
The look is there,
In my face, in my eyes,
I enjoyed what we had, 
But I ruined it.

My present must dismiss the negative,
Somehow.

29/4/09